Last week I was honored to be a guest speaker at a state sponsored seminar for foster parents called, "Tips on Working with your Child Welfare Services Team".
I was asked to give a foster parents perspective on the topic, and I came up with 10 tips that I would love to share with you!
As I said during the training, some of these tips might seem a little basic. But all of them were things that tripped me up at some point in the past 10 years of fostering. They are all things I wish someone had pointed out to me, so here we go!
Tip #1 - Get these items from your caseworker right away:
1. Your foster care "agreement". The title of this might differ from state to state but it's basically the paperwork that shows you are the guardian of this child. You will need this all the time for doctor's appointments etc. Take a picture of it and keep it on your phone.
2. Insurance card or number. You will probably need to take your hanai child to the doctor for a post placement visit with in the next few days. Also, think about whether or not you want the caseworker to change the PCP to your family doctor. If the child has a relationship with a doctor already and the office is conveniently located, then the doctor can be an important part of your team. But, sometimes it works out better to go with a doctor you are working with already, in that case you may need CWS to change the PCP (in Hawaii, you don't have the consent to do that yourself.)
3. Information about any appointments the child has coming up - doctors, therapy, school appointment...
4. Birth Certificate and SS card or at least the number - I usually do not get these right away, but eventually you may need these things to register your child for certain things and you'll want the SS number for your taxes.
Tip #2 Find out what is the best way to reach your caseworker:
Text? Cell Phone? Office phone? Also, who do you contact after hours and on weekends?
Tip #3 - Who is the SSA (AKA your caseworkers assistant)? And who is the GAL?
The SSA is usually in the office during business hours and can help you with a lot of administrative stuff - reimbursements, consents, etc. And he or she may also know where your caseworker is if you are trying to get a hold of them.
Also, who is your GAL (Guardian Ad Litem)? This is basically your child's lawyer. They represent your child's interests in court and they are intended to have ONLY your child's interests in mind.
Tip #4 Who is handling birth family visits?
Is there a separate agency that supervises the visits? How many visits will there be per week? And who will drive the kids to the visits?
Tip #5 Remember that caseworkers have, quite possibly, the hardest job in the world.
They need time off too and they need to protect themselves and set boundaries. So try not to call after hours – ask yourself if this can wait, maybe send an email. Remember you can call the after-hours office number if it’s a real emergency.
Tip #6 Make a paper trail:
Document everything. Take pictures of everything and send it to your caseworker right away to time stamp it. Text or email a note that says, "just documenting." or, "no need to respond."
I do this whenever there's an injury, sickness, weird behavior after a visit, disciplinary note from school... On the flip side, document the good stuff too. Keep cool artwork, crafts, Certificates of Achievement or successful school assignments. Save these for caseworker (or birth family) visits and/or make a scrapbook for your child. I also (very) occasionally send pics to the caseworkers of the good times just to let them know they are healthy and happy.
Tip #7. Get information about the case, but maybe not too much.
Get as much info as you need to take care of the kids. Try not to get so much that you start forming opinions or making judgements. This is hard for me, as I tend to like to "arm myself" with information. But I have to remind myself that any info that I get is second hand. I don’t really know what’s going on and it's not my business anyway.
My job is to be there for the kids and any information beyond what I need for that is just gossip.
Tip #8. Develop a good relationship with the birth family.
Build trust but don’t get too involved. Be friendly but protect yourself and set boundaries. Remember it is best for the kids to see everyone getting along. Always keep reunification in mind. And of course, never say anything negative about the parents in front of the kids.
Tip #9. Take care of yourself.
Ohana conferences, court dates, therapy, doctor's appointments and on and on.... are all good things. But it can get overwhelming if you're not careful.
You CAN say no to things and PLEASE PLASE ask for help when you need it (and we all need it!)
Tip #10. You are not a robot.
In Hawaii they call us "Resource Caregivers" and expect us to be professionals. But it's important to remember that on "The Team" we are probably the only volunteers. This isn’t a job for us. We are doing this out of the goodness of our hearts, and we don't want to be taken advantage of!
We are humans and we ARE emotionally invested. We need to be because these kids need it.
We are these kid's hanai family and we love them. We want what’s best for them and we even have opinions about what is best for them.
However, we must always communicate in a professional and calm way. We will never stop advocating, loving, praying. We may get our hearts broken, we may witness injustice, but we will never give up on the kids!
Sounds fun, right! LOL!
It's not always a laugh but it is worth it. Every single child is worth the work. If you are interested in fostering or helping to support foster families - Please don't hesitate to contact me!
Love,
Emily
PS - This just scratches the surface of foster parenting tips. I plan to post more like this including a lot more in-depth advice.
In the meantime, please check out The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross (by clicking on this affiliate link).
The TBRI method introduced in this book is the gold standard for parenting children who have experienced trauma. Our family swears by it and I'll be writing a lot more about TBRI soon. Thanks!
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