Mom to 10. Wife. Ministry Leader. Blogger. Writer. Homemaker. Homeschooler. Homesteader. Foster parent. And still have time for God and myself?
Read on to see how I do it ALL. Every. Single. Day.
I ran into my sweet mom friend recently and she looked stressed. She said she was trying to clean up her house but her kids kept coming up a step behind her and destroying it again. Been there.
To try to make her feel better, I give her some crappy advice.
Don’t stress about it. Your kids are little, enjoy them, let the house go, lower your standards a little bit… She just looked at me like, yeah right, not gonna happen.
See, I suspect my friend is what the Flylady calls a “Born Organized” person.
It’s probably not physically possible for her to ‘not stress’ or ‘lower her standards’ when it comes to keeping house.
Now, I’m what you would call a “Born Messy” kinda person.
So this “Enjoy your kKds” or “Embrace the Mess” advice also sucks for me because I’ll be like “Yes , let’s just ignore this mess and enjoy life”.
Then we’d all be tripping over dirty laundry and not having clean dishes at dinner. I’d start snapping at kids for not helping me and no one would be enjoying anything.
Not just SOME of it. ALL of it!
So, let’s be real. I’ve got 10 kids including 3 medically fragile, homeschool, farm, ministry, foster care, blog, other hobbies, plus a house to keep clean …And I DO IT ALL – ALL THE TIME
Here’s some REAL advice:
The following advice is geared towards homemaking/mothering but it is good advice for really anything you need to get done.
1. Be honest with yourself. Brutally honest.
What is your problem here? Do you not actually know how to keep house? (I didn’t.) Do you hate doing it because you feel it is beneath you? Are you resentful that you're not doing a ‘real job’? Secretly jealous that your other half is out and about with adults all day while you're surrounded by screaming demanding munchkins? Do you have emotional issues? ADHD? Past traumas to resolve? Do you have an issue with ‘work’ in general? Are you entitled? Lazy?
Am I touching a nerve?
Sorry about that, but these are real struggles that you’re going to have to admit if you want to straighten your life out. And I should know, I've dealt with all this and more.
Also, be REAL honest about how you spend your time. Do you check out by checking your phone? Not have time for all these chores but time to binge-watch in the evenings?
Don’t know what your problem is? Ask God. Know what your problem is but don’t know the solution? Ask God.
I firmly believe He will speak to you and give you the answer you need. He gave us these bodies to work and these brains to solve problems. There is nothing we cannot do.
2. It’s all about MINDSET.
Now that you’ve been brutally honest with yourself. You’ve got to face the fact that the only person you can change is YOU.
You might not be able to change your circumstances right away, but you can always change your mind.
For example, I can be a spoiled brat.
I realized this when I watched a video of a mother in another country whose job was to break rocks into gravel. She did it all day in the hot sun, with a hammer. And her children did it too, including the 5-year-old. Just for a few dollars to buy food for that day.
What is my problem? Why do I complain about the work I have? The work I get to do, taking care of the house I get to live in, cooking the food I am blessed to prepare for my family- when there are so many who go without.
Life is a work of art.
This was the ultimate MindShift for me. I changed my way of thinking about work- from just something I have to get done - to an on-going work of art that I get to create.
My home, family, relationships, ministry are all things I constantly cultivate, improve, grow and evolve.
It’s intricate, challenging, and above all creative.
This is a shift from getting my work over with so I can get on with living my life – to living as the glorious creation of God that He made me to be.
To living every moment AS the glorious work of art that God created!
3. Redefine “ALL”.
Ok this sounds like cheating, but it’s not. This is the really practical step NOT to be taken until steps one and two are complete.
It’s about priorities, goal setting, consistency, and motivation.
PRIORITIES
If you were truly brutally honest with yourself in step 1, I bet you found that you had some of your priorities mixed up.
Maybe you put off cleaning up until you were about to have company.
So, what’s the priority:
You and your family?
Or what other people think?
Maybe you’re feeling resentful that you’ve worked hard at your degree or business but now is a season when you are home with your kids.
In this case what’s your priority?
The well-being of your family or your status in ‘the world’?
You CAN have it ALL.
But, you can’t have it all at once.
To everything there is a season.
Patience is a virtue… Yada Yada Yada.
I know it's all cliché and reeks of the bad advice I started this article with but once you get your priorities straight this advice is true.
GOALS
Now that you’ve got your priorities straightened out. Set yourself some goals. Sure set some big life goals and break them down into smaller parts, but more importantly, set SMALL DAILY GOALS.
Set only a few per day. I like to have 3-5 things max on my to do list per day.
Make them the ones with the most impact. Check them off and be finished.
Give yourself a finish line each day so that you feel success every day.
CONSISTANCY
OK so I don’t only do 3 things per day.
My to do list usually consists of the 3-5 things that I want to get done ON TOP of my daily routines and habits.
These habits are so well established that I don’t have to refer to a list anymore. At one point, these chores felt like a big deal, but now that I’ve been so consistent with them, they don’t take much more of my time and energy than brushing my teeth.
So, I don't count cooking, daily or weekly cleaning, getting the kids ready, etc.
MOTIVATION
I’ve learned recently that motivation does not come before success – it comes FROM success.
The more Small Victories you have, the more motivated you are to keep going.
Build on what you’ve got going already. Have a plan, be consistent, and like me, you too can DO IT ALL!
Books to get you started:
If you don’t know where to start, her books will help you get your home/life together.
This hilarious little book really drives home the message that taking the time to nurture the munchkins is time well spent.
I really enjoyed these and think it’s sad that while he’s considered the ‘Father of the Self-Help Movement’ his message about God was left out by everyone else that followed him and copied him.
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